Crossing Paths

In the useless, strict monotony of the first day of the last year of high school, there are some interesting gems in this awful day. I must note something - I am a...let me put it this way - I have never dated in my life. I've only thought about it once or twice in my life time, but I never actually did it. I am not ever attracted to the guys in my school - I am only really attracted to older and female celebrities - Garrett Hedlund, Tom Hiddleston, Olivia Wilde - you get the picture. Now with that being said -

I was sitting in my lonely, small government class, when I noticed it. I got those chills, those butterflies, the ones I only got to hear about in stories. That was when he walked in. I became so lost, and I could not stop looking at him. I do not know what it was that attracted me to him, but something was there. Then, my logic kicked in.

I do not know if he noticed, but I highly doubt it. He is in a different caste, a different world. He has his, I have mine. We do not cross paths. The only time we did was in our sophmore history class. Yeah. I remember that. Sad, huh? I do not think he knows me at all - maybe I am some annoying, vague memory who has an irritable (to him) twin sister. I am just an awkward girl - no I am less than that, I am invisible!

So therefore, I am not in his mind. My butterflies will die inside. They mean nothing. He will never see me. There is no hope in that - We will never cross paths.

A Glimpse into My Awakening

It was summer of 2007. I was a young lass of thirteen. My twin and I were visiting our mother. She was at work for most of the time and we had nothing to do. Translation = We were bored. So, I was browsing the Internet, specifically YouTube. And, then...it happened. I watched the first video in a series of 19 called "9/11 Coincidences" from NufffRespect. There was no turning back, no matter how hard I tried. I credit him with my Awakening, as some would call it. Him, and some one else. I put his informative videos to the back of my mind after my mom told my sister and I that these videos were utter bullshit. They never fully left. I researched it a little more about 9/11 and other "conspiracy theories" over the course of the months into the early year of 2008. It never became something that took over my mind - until January 22nd, 2008. What happened January 22nd, 2008 that affected my life in such a very strange way? Heath Ledger died at age 28. To this day, I can never explain why his death, and later Brittany Murphy's death, affected me the way it did. I never knew him, nor met him. He just had been one of my favorite actors over the years. The suspicious circumstances of his young death, made me search it on YouTube. Conspiracy theories became my number one priority in my mind. Over the years, I kind of brushed them off, even though I came across Vigilant Citizen, which renewed my vigor into the subject even more. But, the logic part of my brain always told me all of this was dangerous for my mind. After all, my wise father, who is kind of high up in the Air Force, says that these things are false, damaging to my mind, and outright insulting to him. But, it can never leave me, these ideas. As a certain character from a certain popular movie, "What is the most resilient parasite? Bacteria? A virus? An intestinal worm? An idea. Resilient... highly contagious. Once an idea has taken hold of the brain it's almost impossible to eradicate. An idea that is fully formed - fully understood - that sticks; right in there somewhere." But know this - I always take these ideas with a grain of salt - I have never seen any really substantial proof that beyond a reasonable doubt links these suspicious symbols, murders, and acts of terrorism to these certain groups. Until then, I shall question everything I see. I do not believe in anything mainstream. I would rather turn to an alternative news source over mainstream any day. I have to research some more. Until then - Question everything! There is some truth to these seemingly outlandish conspiracy theories. I will absolutely write more on this subject!

To all, a good evening!

P.S. For those who are tired of the fakeness of this so-called real world, check out Vigilant Citizen. Unlike the genuinely crazy and egotistical Alex Jones, this guy is actually anonymous and he actually believes in what he is doing.

London

The fresh summer breeze was warmer than usual. There were few clouds, and the sky was a clear blue. As usual, there were many tourists in the palace, and out, but it wasn't too bad. I didn't chose to get an audio tour set of headphones - I particularly like looking at things instead of having my thoughts scrambled by someone spout out information I will forget the next day. I like to take things in. The paintings had great detail, and the faces of one portrait in particular (of Victoria and her family) contained a light in their eyes that I usually do not see in other portraits, which I found to be uniquely beautiful. The inside of the palace - all of it! - was accented in an obscene amount of gold! There were vases in the corners of perhaps every hall we were permitted to go to. They were intricately detailed, and I could not help thinking how well my room would look with one of them! The royal treasures glittered in all of the colors of the rainbow, but the most striking ones were all the ones in blue. It was one of the most brilliant blues I have ever laid my eyes upon. The princess's lace Alexander McQueen wedding gown - how enchanting it was! I thought it was the perfect wedding dress. As I looked up, there were more gigantic gold accents on the ceiling. Then, as I left the stuffy palace into the fresh garden air, I was thinking peculiar thoughts as a person who just enjoyed a tour. "Poor Princess Kate - what if she ends up like her predecessor!" was my thought. Considering I'm what you'd call a "conspiracy theorist", I have thought of the theories of Diana's death and I've had not-so-high opinions of the royal family. Perhaps I pondered all of this because I saw how much they flaunted their new princess. I didn't think of this for long - I got seperated from the group, thus I had to return to them. As my family and I reunited, we walked around the front of the palace. I then dawdled to St. James Park, I thought of the realization(s) I had come to earlier that day, before the palace tour, in that very same place - "Is it just me, or is everything around in this city watched? And there are so many police officers around..." I basically get a "V For Vendetta" vibe everytime I visit London, hell even in my own neighborhood. It overtook any enjoyment I had of the pigeons perching on my leg begging for food, and the warm summer breeze, the unusually clear blue sky and hot August sun. It gnawed at me for quite some time - it still does so as I'm typing this! I did not like the cameras and the huge presence of the many police officers. Even as I walked into the enormous train station to find a public restroom (which we had to pay for), I saw the big-brother-esque TV screen parrotting headlines from the puppet news station Sky News, and I saw several posters telling travellers to "report anything suspicious". Maybe I am overthinking this, but the small things always lead to something bigger. My thoughts were immediately arrested, when I realized I had to leave to the bus. Good bye, I said to London. I hope I can see you again!

The Things You Should Know

There are some things you should know before calling me a hypocrite -

I have a complicated relationship with my step-mother, as evident by the posts below. Sometimes it can be good, sometimes bad, and, rarely, just plain miserable. But that doesn't mean I hate her. Hate is such a strong word.

I have mood swings and I sway off topic very easily. I can never focus on one topic in one post - I have too much to say, too many thoughts wanting to spill out of my head.

And...

I tend to censor myself, especially when talking ill about a family member behind their back on this blog. It is usually because of guilt.

No doubt, I will think of something else after I publish my blog post, but right now my empty stomach is saying I should stop writing right now.

So, to all, I wish a good supper!

The Reason

I chose not to live with my much kinder mother, after all these years of wanting it. I chose not to. It was a crazy choice. I could have lived in peace and happiness. Why would I be so stupid? The reason - I chose to be selfless. If I stayed with my mom, my twin sister still would have had to go back to this place. Who would be there for her at her lowest points? Who would help her out with the littlest things? Who would be with her at Homecoming, Prom, and Graduation? Me. And she would do the same for me. So, the next time my step-mother reminds me, "Oh, you could have stayed with your Mom," I will remember the reason.

To all, a good evening.

P.S. - The Reason is not the only reason - I needed to see friends again, no matter how horrible the school is. I needed to bid a proper farewell to this place as well. But The Reason is still the main reason.

I did not lose my cool.

How amazing is that? I never keep my cool! I was about to explode in anger, but I thought of what I could do to actually get what I want. Even as my unnamed step-mother kept on saying I had a "little head", I held it in. Even as she twisted my words and made the subject about my mother and how I could've stayed with her, but "she didn't want me", as she so erraneously claims, I only glared. Even as she basically said that Dad was gone, so I had to abide by her rules and take her shit, I held my head high. Because, I am tired of being the same teenager as I was before the summer's beginning, so there are gonna be some changes around here. I confronted her with poise when she called me down. She says I can talk to her. Oh, I could, but it would earn me her yells at me, and her awful lectures. I won't listen to any more terrible remarks about my Mom and older sister. I won't let her get away with acting like she's in charge and has more authority over Dad. I won't let her lie about how she claims she's the only one I have and the only one who cares about me ("Dad's too busy taking care of all of us" and "your mother abandoned you twice"), which unfortunately hasn't shown through words. Nope. Not any-fucking-more. I am my own person now. I have not been brainwashed by my older sister or Mom, as she claims. I just have been brainwashed into submission during all of the years I've lived with her. So, right now, I feel strong. That is the first time I have been in so very long.

To all, a good evening!

To the two people reading this...

DISCLAIMER: To the English teachers, and grammar Nazis, if you are reading this, I use a lot of parentheses and commas, and I will get grammar wrong, even though I will be a writer of sorts someday. For everyone else, be warned - I complain a lot and I ramble.

Hi! As you can tell from my blog title...and url....and email...I am Artemis Grey. Obviously, this is not my real name - it is indeed a pen name. This blog is for my real thoughts and other writings of mine, such as poems, short stories, fanfiction, analyses, movie and book reviews, and movie and other news. But mostly, my thoughts. The reason I create this blog is for two reasons - one, I need to establish my pen name, since I will go to college to be a writer of sorts, and two - none of my family (except my sisters, since I trust them) will be reading this, which means, I can say whatever the hell I want. They only know about my established blog on another email address. They don't even know this email address. However, if they do find out about this, I will continue on as if nothing happened. I will tell them about this, if they really want to know, when I jet off to college in less than a year (I will be a senior in high school when school starts in less than two weeks).

I am Artemis Grey (I will not tell you my real name for anonymity purposes). I am an American teenager. I am 17, going on 18 years old (I have a winter birthday). I live in a different country, a wonderful country to be exact, even with all of its flaws. I know I have some sort of mental problem that is going undiagnosed, most likely some sort of schizoid personality disorder and/or ADD or ADHD, or possibly even Aspergers. Either that, or I am some sort of hypochondriac. I have an older sister, a twin sister, a mother, a father, a step-brother, and a step-mother. I am closest to my sisters and my Mom. However, I live with my Dad. All of that shit is complicated. I was born in a tropical place, but I moved to another country when I was just a few months old. I have lived in 8 different abodes, had gone to four different elementary schools (pre-school does not count), one middle school, and two different high schools. You can basically read more about me in my profile. I originally had written things about my family, but I am comfortable with anonymity, so I will leave it at this. You can draw conclusions from the posts I will post in the future.
What else should I say, like where I have been, what's been going on? Oh, I don't know, I have written too much already.

To all, a good morning!